Don't let this determine the fate.

     School is finally ending, I will be able to enjoy the pleasures of late night gaming with my friends, sleeping in, enjoying the outdoors, and spending more time with my big brother. So odd knowing that you won't see all those faces for three months, some I may be happy not to see, some I might miss.

     It's always stressful when it comes towards the end of the school year. With exams and all, the stress of how you're going to do. But this year, was definitely the most stressful and shocking to me. Just got done with my freakishly long geometry, full of the check, check again, triple check, repeat. During the middle of all this checking and constant pressing of the buttons of the calculator, I'm handed My pre ACT score. We took it in 10th grade so that we could know what to improve on.

     My thoughts on standardized testing are grim. I'm not a fan because it is basically saying that we all need to learn one way, and this is what we need to meet in requirement wise. I only met one requirement on it which was english. Everything else it is basically saying to me that I AM NOT UP TO PAR. When in some areas I feel like I am. But ask yourself, who can do all those algerbra questions in 30 minutes or less, with trying to make sure there right. Its hard, its stressful, its not right. And they don't do a good job at representing or giving the kids a fair chance who aren't good at multiple choice tests. They will start to second guess, start checking, feeling as if all answers are wrong and that maybe they should just bubble in the letter E even though theres no answer for it, hoping that it will magically appear but doesn't. But seeing, how you compare to everybody else sucks. Made me feel a little dumb, Now I didn't do terrible, I got a 16  overall when the highest you couldn't gotten was 32, but still.

     And the backside of that sheet. Oh man, real gem piece we got here. It said what job ranges you should pick from. It said in print, pick from two of the heighlighted jobs to look more into. I think its downright wrong to kinda just place someone into something like that. I think anyone can accurately push themselves if they want to strive for any job they want, no matter how far the reaches might be for them. I feel that these standardized tests, will hold some people back from there hopes and dreams.

     Now these tests are a little nerve racking, but will I let this get to me? No I won't, Yes I worry about the future at times, but I will not let this test, at this moment, hold me back from anything I want to strive to do.

    Sorry I have been lazy on the blogging, now that summer is here I will have much more time to be blogging guys. In case anyone(like at all) reads this. I hope everyone has a good week!

It is never a lost.

"Damned is the man who abandons himself",

these six words show, that the worse the situation is,

never ever should a man consider it lost.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UClzYq0T9cM

This video was truly inspiring too me. Too see a man really in a bad spot in life, and too be living in filth physically, but still seems to be mentally there. That he still continued to write his poems, and continued to follow his dream.

I felt he wrote the poem that I put up above because he didn't abandon himself, and even though he was in a bad situation, he still didn't consider it a lost. I feel like that people I know, and me too, may not be in the best situation in life, and that even though we may be struggling, were not going to consider this a loss and give up. I know so many kids who I feel have just given up in life, knowing that i know that there home life is tough, instead of turning to something passionate in life, they'll just turn to drugs or alcohol in life. That they truly have lost. I just hope that one day they could turn there lives around. . 

How much has changed.; what is to come next?

     Today i have really noticed how much has changed, and I really noticed this by just watching a two simple YouTube videos about teens reacting to The Beatles and Nirvana. Two really good bands and definitely on my favorites list, and also watching the ending of toy story 3.

      Knowing that i'm sixteen, in high-school, doing drivers training, and still manage to find time to play my games, do homework, and play with my action figures. I really do feel grown up now. And  in some ways it feels good, but in others i would just like to lay on the floor of my house and sit and play action figures with my brother like old times. Setting up battles or recreating scenarios that was  one of my favorite childhood memories. Also just playing games with my buds,I don't want all this too end.

    I just feel as you grow older you just loose time for all that stuff that makes you,you. And music also shows how shit changes.

    It's been twenty years almost since kurt cobain took his own life. And from that time look at how much music has changed, they had such a distinct sound and it was good and it connected to a lot of teens. The Beatles almost the same way with changing too what was going on in trends with the teens and everyone loved them. It's a tragedy to see them go, and even though I feel like there hasn't been that many great bands out recently, there still are some. But you know you're always gonna love the classics and are gonna give them a good listen.

     I just wish it socially acceptable for me to listen to what music i like in highschool, for me not to hid the fact that i still play with my action figures sometimes when i'm home alone, or that i cried when i saw the ending of toy story too. If people could just be open, i would be more willing to accept these changes

But also the fact that I have to start taking more responsibility in life, kind of scares me. I have to think about paying for college, hell where do i even want to go to college and what for! I have an idea but i have no idea where my mind is gonna take me in two years when i'm about to finish highschool. It scares me, and it scares alot of other people too, i don't want to grow away from all my good friends but i know alot of them don't want to all do the same career path.

    What i'm trying to get at is that i don't want the little kid part of me to leave, cause I love it, I love being a kid at points, just wish i wasn't always treated like one.

Life will go on.

     My dad lost his brother too suicide and his dad abandoned him. Yes it sucked, And he felt like shit and stopped working for a year but he did eventually get through even though it was really hard on him. The truth is When it rains it pours. But know that past those Grey clouds and the wet rain that there will always be sunshine for everyone. And we will live happily. And that when the sun does come out and you see that rainbow. That rainbow is them.They're proud of everyone that have been in there lives and there watching, no matter what god you believe or if you believe in none. There going to be watching over you. You want to find something to blame for all this tragedy i know. But there is nothing to blame. This is human thought and it is normal for people to think those terrible things and for people to want to blame something. But we will all push through this. Everyone will. you will see that sunshine and you will see that rainbow.
   
      They didn't leave your presence. And they did not abandon anyone. There always watching over you. With a smile. No matter if you believe in a god or not. You may not notice it now my friend. But in signs and ways he is.

     Suicide is not always the answer. The memory is a complicated thing. I'm sure they didn't want to leave you. But they will be watching from up above. I have felt like giving up before. I know the feeling. But you can't bottle it. You must share it in some way or form either writing it down or sharing it with a loved one or a friend. Life will go on if you share.

     This one goes out to my friend who lost his uncle this morning to suicide. My deepest condolences go out to him and his family.


https://soundcloud.com/smith-westerns/smile?in=jaypetheape/sets/smith-westerns

To this day: rethinking

I think this video can really connect to anyone, the name callers, the people who are name called, the people who feel empty,depressed, suffering drug abuse, or emotional abuse. Watch this i think it was truly inspiring to me.

The quote,"That's Gay."

     This is like a super pet peeve of mine when people say this at school. When they use the word gay to describe something.being gay means your attracted to the same gender,So a thing or an activity can't be gay it can't be a gender unless you're talking to people.

Calling people gay can not be an insult. it just doesn't work because being gay is not bad. I support gay marriage and i actually have a few friends who are gay and i do support them! So when you call me or someone i know gay it is no way insulting, and you look pathetic when you say it. And everyone (or almost everyone) in our school has something against people who are gay. It's the twenty first century people let them live there lives the way they want to live them. It is constantly annoying when i hear people make fun of a certain girl for cutting her hair short. It isn't your hair, its not your looks, if you're not attracted to it so what it isn't your problem. I hate it when someone say anything on anyones body is gay. Nothing on a persons body can truly be gay. It is what they like to wear or there style, not every ones style is the same and it is okay too be different.

      But someday gay marriage will be legal everywhere, and too those people are against, i would save the comments or start getting comfortable with it. It may be written in a book made 100's of years ago but people have the right to make there own choices and follow there own rules. Now if you don't support gay rights i'm okay with that. But in public i really don't want to hear your comments.

pushing yourself:when too know your limits.

     I was talking with my friend Drew about his hobby and mine, his being pogo sticking, and mine being scootering, since they are kinda relatively the same thing. So anyways we were talking about progression and pushing yourself. I know you're thinking,"Mike where are you taking us with this?" Well what i'm talking about can relate with almost anything anybody does for a hobby, learning that new trick that you always wanted to do, trying new daring things on foods, or just pushing yourself too be a better person. But with some things when is pushing things too far too much?

     I found this out in a painful way last year when i went for a trick that i knew was really hard. I hurt myself badly multiple times trying to do it. Knowing that my friend can do it almost every try, that did motivate me to do it. But my friend is also a lot more skilled and has been scootering far longer then me. So after trying all day, and several painfully aching bones and bruises later. I decided that i will try each time i go and see if i can get it, also taking advice from him which help. It took me over four minutes to actually get the trick down. But even after that and pushing myself slowly i felt really good that i did land it!

     Some people can push themselves more in certain areas of certain things but that is because there body can. Think of it like this, some people are in Advanced math and some people are in basic. Just because your in basic doesn't mean necessairly that the advanced kids are smarter, you just learn at a slower pace then them, which is okay! Because you may also be much faster at picking up certain things then them. So next time you may feel bad that someone knows more then something about you or someone can do more things in a certain hobby then you. Don't feel bad it's okay to learn at your own pace and too know your own limits when it comes to physical activities.

I'll see you guys later,

Mike.