How much has changed.; what is to come next?

     Today i have really noticed how much has changed, and I really noticed this by just watching a two simple YouTube videos about teens reacting to The Beatles and Nirvana. Two really good bands and definitely on my favorites list, and also watching the ending of toy story 3.

      Knowing that i'm sixteen, in high-school, doing drivers training, and still manage to find time to play my games, do homework, and play with my action figures. I really do feel grown up now. And  in some ways it feels good, but in others i would just like to lay on the floor of my house and sit and play action figures with my brother like old times. Setting up battles or recreating scenarios that was  one of my favorite childhood memories. Also just playing games with my buds,I don't want all this too end.

    I just feel as you grow older you just loose time for all that stuff that makes you,you. And music also shows how shit changes.

    It's been twenty years almost since kurt cobain took his own life. And from that time look at how much music has changed, they had such a distinct sound and it was good and it connected to a lot of teens. The Beatles almost the same way with changing too what was going on in trends with the teens and everyone loved them. It's a tragedy to see them go, and even though I feel like there hasn't been that many great bands out recently, there still are some. But you know you're always gonna love the classics and are gonna give them a good listen.

     I just wish it socially acceptable for me to listen to what music i like in highschool, for me not to hid the fact that i still play with my action figures sometimes when i'm home alone, or that i cried when i saw the ending of toy story too. If people could just be open, i would be more willing to accept these changes

But also the fact that I have to start taking more responsibility in life, kind of scares me. I have to think about paying for college, hell where do i even want to go to college and what for! I have an idea but i have no idea where my mind is gonna take me in two years when i'm about to finish highschool. It scares me, and it scares alot of other people too, i don't want to grow away from all my good friends but i know alot of them don't want to all do the same career path.

    What i'm trying to get at is that i don't want the little kid part of me to leave, cause I love it, I love being a kid at points, just wish i wasn't always treated like one.

Life will go on.

     My dad lost his brother too suicide and his dad abandoned him. Yes it sucked, And he felt like shit and stopped working for a year but he did eventually get through even though it was really hard on him. The truth is When it rains it pours. But know that past those Grey clouds and the wet rain that there will always be sunshine for everyone. And we will live happily. And that when the sun does come out and you see that rainbow. That rainbow is them.They're proud of everyone that have been in there lives and there watching, no matter what god you believe or if you believe in none. There going to be watching over you. You want to find something to blame for all this tragedy i know. But there is nothing to blame. This is human thought and it is normal for people to think those terrible things and for people to want to blame something. But we will all push through this. Everyone will. you will see that sunshine and you will see that rainbow.
   
      They didn't leave your presence. And they did not abandon anyone. There always watching over you. With a smile. No matter if you believe in a god or not. You may not notice it now my friend. But in signs and ways he is.

     Suicide is not always the answer. The memory is a complicated thing. I'm sure they didn't want to leave you. But they will be watching from up above. I have felt like giving up before. I know the feeling. But you can't bottle it. You must share it in some way or form either writing it down or sharing it with a loved one or a friend. Life will go on if you share.

     This one goes out to my friend who lost his uncle this morning to suicide. My deepest condolences go out to him and his family.


https://soundcloud.com/smith-westerns/smile?in=jaypetheape/sets/smith-westerns